What is Love

Love

William Shakespeare offered a beautiful sonnet on True Love.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. 
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
(Sonnet 116) 

This is one of the truest things I've ever read. I once heard a bride to be say "He does (thing) but once we're married I'll train him." I rolled my eyes at the statement. At the time I'd been married about 7 years. I told her "He's not going to be trained. And before you start remember for every habit he has that annoys the crap out of you, you have one that annoys the crap out out of him." Yes, a person can break a habit. It takes 21 days to do it and they have to want to do it. But there is something else to consider - if you change the person you love - will they still be the person you love?

My hubby is a Military aircraft buff and will talk about it constantly if he gets on the subject. It annoys the crap out of me. But I listen. Hey, I talk plans for my cat breeding for hours and it annoys him, but he listens.

When hubby became disabled in the military, (PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, Migraines, Back and Neck pain) I could have thrown up my hands and walked away. When he kicks me in his sleep from flashback dreams, or even after the time I woke up with him still asleep choking me; I could have packed my bags and left. But as I've told him "I promised the nice man that married us in sickness and in health". But that's not the only reason. I love him. not because he's perfect - Heaven knows he's the one person that can make me so mad I could get violent. 

There are a couple things I've discovered in 28 years of marriage and I'll share them with you.

1. When you wake up in the morning beside this person your first thought should be. "I'm glad they are there." Or if it's a rough patch "I can deal with your crap today because I love you."

2. A person who truly loves you will encourage you in whatever you want to do.

3. You worry when you don't know where that person is.

4. You feel like your relationship has been forever and no time at all. 

5. The idea of that person won't be there tightens your chest with fear.

6. You both accept when the other says no to something - that's a no.

Love should never be hard, it should never hurt. Love accepts the good, the bad, the terrible and the truly terrifying and is still there.

Loving Myself

Love.

For a lot of years I hated myself. I hated my height - 5ft 10. I hated my natural hair color - mouse brown. I hated that my best was never good enough. I had a good life, a husband that spoils me, a roof over my head, no need of a full time job because of hubby's disability pay. But I still hated everything.

Then I realized it wasn't my hair - I could color it. It wasn't my height I like being tall. It was that I hated myself.

Self-harming is a symptom of depression. Though I didn't know it when I was a kid. It made the emotional pain stop, for me at any rate. I've learned now to talk to someone or try and ride out the numbness until it tips to anger or crying. It will always be a part of me. But mostly I cut because I hated myself.

My BFF of 12 years has been someone that I could count on for help. Even if it was just keeping me from hurting myself. I was a cutter, well I guess I'll always be one. If the emotional pain gets to bad I go numb. Physical pain I can deal with. Not so much the emotional. I cut to deal with the numbness. I got that way about 2 years ago. Totally numb and wanted to cut. I told her and she stayed up late for her and talked me through until I came out of the numbness. My husband has also helped me through a desire to cut myself. He was the one that insisted if I ever felt like doing it again I had to talk to someone until it passed.

My being true to myself journey is helping me learn to love myself. I've discovered that the truer I am to myself the more I love myself. Maybe I've always hated myself because I was being true to everyone else's idea of who and what I should be.

Society tells us to love ourselves, but they never manage to tell us how to do that. Have you noticed that? Most young children know this instinctively. Maybe it's because we tell them how cute they are, how much we love them. Why do we stop giving people compliments? Why do we stop believing compliments we are given?

Here's a story.  Hubby and I were in a jewelry store to get a ring resized. The sales clerk noticed I didn't have a diamond ring. I don't like diamonds - to me they are cold, hard, judging and have nothing to do with love. Now you may like them, I'm just talking about me. She said hubby needed to buy me one. He told her "I'll get her something for her computer, she'll like that more." My response "He knows me so well!" Her response - "Every woman needs a diamond."  Why when I don't like them, don't want them and don't care about them do I need one?

The reason was simple and complex. Society deems that a woman should love jewelry. I don't never have. I do have a few pieces I adore but I wear them rarely and only on special occasions. This clerk determined that because I was female I had to have a diamond because I was female. What she did was make me feel less like a woman, less lovable because I didn't want a diamond.

I'm still learning to love myself. But I know the benefits of it - happiness.

What is this?

It's about Life, Love and Saving. It's as simple as that.

A Life post will be about how I'm making myself happy with me. By being who I want to be and doing whatever is true to that individual. In one I'll share my journey on being true to myself, share recipes that I love, make up tips, tips on organizing your home, your life on a budget and how to make cool things for gifts.

A Love post will be about, well love. What does it look like, how do you show those that you love and how to recognize someone that loves you, but most importantly how to love yourself.

A Saving post will simply be tips on how to save money. We'll look at how to shop, how to determine if something is a want or a need, and when to deny or reward yourself. Maybe even discuss things you can do to bring in a little extra money.

Will my way work for you? It might or might not. But I really hope that everyone that visits finds something they can apply to their lives. I'm not an expert, just someone that is taking this journey and inviting you to come along for the ride. Every post will be tagged with what it's about; Life, Love, or Saving. A lot of post will overlap because all three things are connected anyway.

My plan is to update 3 times a week. Monday, Wednesday and Fridays. So join me in this continuing journey. Any ideas please feel free to comment.